The Fire Inside

This weekend was nothing short of atrocious. I'm finding it hard to put my emotions into words. I was looking forward to getting back to racing at the Wolfpack Cycling Classic but it was not meant to be. The road race on Saturday started off well. I was aggressive and stayed at the front, following attacks and throwing some in myself. I felt good. I kept telling myself before the start that I was going to do everything in my power to make a break happen and I was sticking to my plan. Then I attacked and was off the front alone. The road was a little wet and up comes a corner of fresh, uneven tar. Thigh meets road, but I get up immediately and chase back on. Everything seems OK except for some road rash but the adrenaline was pumping so no worries. Next up, I follow an attack and my chain slips. I almost ate it but kept it on two wheels. After that, every time I stood up to put power down the same thing happened. It sucked, I felt good but was helpless. Today was even worse. I used a different wheel and cassette and thought I had the bike dialed in. But when I was warming up I cranked up the power and it happened again, day over. There was nothing to do except sit in the car with a towel over my head and try not to lose it. As it turns out, my entire drive train was so worn the chain was slipping over the cogs in the cassette. I was putting it off till my new bike arrived but I had to bite the bullet and replace everything(thus, part time job at a bike shop totally paid off).
As I write this, I'm still fighting off explicative hours afterwords. I still need a few upgrade points and the pressure is on to get them before the first team race. I'm on a Cat 2 team, this upgrade needs to happen soon. However, next weekend will be a different story. I have the bike worked out and the events of this weekend have uncontrollably motivated me. It's like someone hooked up nitrous to my engine. All I can think about is how hard I'm going to ride, it's going to be guns blazing for sure. I'm not remodeling houses for some profound reason. I'm doing it because I want to be a professional cyclist and it allows me to train and race like I need to. Results are not going to just happen, I need to make them happen. It's time to effing step it up. No half measures, one goal, one mission.