Feeling PRO...Kind Of

With another big year of racing ahead, my ebay account is about to see some serious action. The funds have to be replenished to sustain this lifestyle of the amateur bike racer clawing his way to the top. Don’t get me wrong, the support from BikeReg.com/Cannondale is more than I had hoped for. Unfortunately amateur bike racing doesn’t quite pay the rent. So I’m cleaning house with some of my accumulated bike goods, a couple frames, wheels, my SRM that won’t work with my new Cannondale bike, etc.

While going through this stuff I had a fleeting PRO moment of selling all of my accumulated product to make some extra cash. Then I had the amateur moment when I remembered that I paid for most of this stuff and the money was going to pay rent because I don’t get a paycheck for racing my bike. Nice.

Can I Get A Hell Yes!

The reason for my recent lack of posts is very simple. The last month or so has been the most stressful time in my life, period. Day after day spent trying to find a team or a job, or both, and dealing with constant disappointment was tough on the psyche. Little glimmers would appear, sometimes allowing a moment of optimism, but it would never last. I can’t tell you how many e-mails I’ve sent in the past two months. It felt like I had a full-time job and that was even more disheartening because I wasn’t making a dime. I was ready to take anything, job, team, personal sponsorship, whatever. The search just kept dragging on and on. I thought it would never end.

Then, out of the mist, it appeared. I was offered a spot on BikeReg.com/Cannondale. I was busting my ass on all these intricate plans with personal sponsorship/ employment deals. Then the best offer I could have hoped for was just tossed my way. I couldn’t believe it. I guess sometimes things just work out.

So, needless to say, I’m pumped. My reverse of fortune has given me new life. BikeReg.com/Cannondale, formerly Fiordifrutta, is one of the most highly regarded amateur programs in the country. It seems like a great fit and I can’t wait to start racing. Training for the unknown was incredibly hard mentally but I now have renewed enthusiasm and the stinging desire to work hard and step it up. First things first though. The team is based in New England so I have to relocate, at least from April to September. I’m in process of researching possible relocation sites as well as trying to source some type of income for when I get there, any suggestions?

As of right now, Northampton, Mass. and Burlington Vermont are the front runners. I’m getting really excited about new roads, new people, new culture; it’s going to be interesting if nothing else. I have two schools of thought on the income situation. Part of me wants to be a modern day Cortez and the burn my ships. If I went up there and just worked at a coffee shop or something I would probably be more motivated to kick ass on the bike and try to get a pro contract for next year. I wouldn’t have any off-the-bike career distractions. I wouldn’t have that safety net. It would be success or nothing, like Cortez. The other part of me, the part that went to college and isn’t a dumb ass, wants to be in a situation that is going to benefit me when bike racing is no longer the priority. So we’ll see what opportunities are presented. Who knows, maybe things will just work out again.

Dreaming Big

For a cyclist, this is the time of year for dreaming big. As you ponder next season, aspirations of greatness flow through your mind. You can punch through the glass ceiling of your abilities and make anything happen. With another solid year of training and racing in your legs you have become stronger and smarter. There’s no doubt you’re going to take another giant leap forward next year. Throughout all of those races you go over in your imagination you believe in yourself. Nobody ever envisions getting second or third. Why couldn’t I win Elite Crit Nats next year? I could get in that magical breakaway and have everything go my way. It could be my turn to throw my hands up and let out that magical roar. It’s not the roar of happiness from winning, but the sound of raw emotion from deep in your soul. The emotion you’re going through while training, the emotion of countless defeats and bad luck. It’s the silencing of nonbelievers and praise of those that have stood behind you. It’s the purging of inner demons that have haunted your ascension to that moment.

However, as I’ve progressed and become more experienced, this period has become more than daydreaming. Early in my cycling career that’s how it was and I’m sure countless other bike racers would agree. However, when the season starts it’s a different story. Everyone has been dreaming about winning races but for every race there’s only one winner. Accepting this reality is hard for a lot of people. Some get mad and work harder, some reassess their goals in cycling and some just quit. As the years go by, more and more people disappear. It’s not necessarily that I’ve progressed a lot faster than the others that started when I did. It’s that I kept showing up. I worked through the tough times and never lost sight of what was important. Looking back over the past four years, I could probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve skipped a workout. That’s been the difference. I’ve been able to dream big and stay motivated but also accept when those dreams don’t immediately become a reality. Cycling is a sport with a lot of sacrifice and little reward. For every win there are countless defeats and after all of the hard work and time in the saddle that can be a tough pill to swallow. You have to get some type of gratification from cycling other than winning. Those that don’t never make it.

This year has been a little different. I still find myself dreaming big, but it’s not just about bike racing anymore. I’ve always known there would be life after bike racing. I guess I had always thought there would come a time when I would just walk away from elite racing and that would be it. Bike racing would stop and life after bike racing would begin. However, my vision has widened. If I could stay in the cycling industry, make an actual salary and still race bikes, why in the hell wouldn’t I do it? I’m still young and my prime racing years are ahead of me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ready to give up racing. I’ve worked full time and trained and raced before, and that was when I was doing construction. It’s not a matter of can I do it. It’s just a matter of capitalizing on the right opportunity.

I recently watched an interview with Adam Meyerson where he was asked who the next Adam Meyerson was. His answer was that he hoped there isn’t another Adam Meyerson. He didn’t want anyone else to go through everything he had to in order to get to where he is today. If you went around and asked cyclists if they wanted to be Adam Meyerson you would probably get a lot of yeses. However, if you went around and asked people if they wanted to be a full time amateur, live off of prize money for 10 years, quit, start a business, come back and finally make it pro and be somewhat successful in their late 30’s I don’t think you would get many takers. I say somewhat successful because he’s still not living off of bike racing alone. He works amazingly hard to run his coaching business and continue racing. Nothing against Adam, I have a deep and profound respect for him. He is one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met and I enjoy being around him. It’s just not worth it to me to live the life of a struggling full time amateur for another ten years so I can go pro and barely make enough to scrape by. Especially if I can get a foothold on my career now with a job that I enjoy and still race bikes at an elite level.

Who knows, maybe I’m still just dreaming big as I always have, only with a new variable. Maybe the right opportunity won’t present itself and once again I’ll have to accept that the dream isn’t an immediate reality. If so, I’ll do the exact same thing I’ve always done. Grit my teeth, work my ass off and keep showing up.


"If you can dream it, you can do it." -Walt Disney

Through A Spotted Lens

In addition to the mental struggles resulting from cross ass kickings, this week I was visited by the cold, hard reality of cycling politics. It came, kicked me in the balls and stood over me while I lay on the ground writhing in pain, all the while laughing in my face.

It started out by hearing that I didn’t have a spot on Mt. Khakis next year. The team is downsizing due to sponsor difficulties and there just wasn’t enough money to support a larger squad. It immediately put me in a bind since I hadn’t been talking to any other teams and this news was coming in late. Most teams have already finalized their rosters for next season which has left me struggling to find a ride. However, I can’t be too upset. No one ever told me I had a spot for next year so I should have had contingency plans in place. I believed too many rumors, thought I was safe and learned a hard lesson.

The salt in the wound came later. Without going into too much detail, I had to sit here and listen to the back door dealings that go along with elite cycling teams. And yes, even in elite cycling money walks, or maybe it rides. Either way, it stung bad. My situation wasn’t actually affected. I didn’t have a spot before or after all this transpired. It’s not like my spot was taken from me, I never had it. And it doesn’t change what I have to do now. Namely, find a ride or just train my ass off over the winter, show up next year in a black kit and stomp the hell out of some races. Nevertheless, it was a shitty situation and there was some sleep lost.

The other day I was out riding, watching the scenery pass through my trusty sunglasses. The lenses are spotted from two full seasons of racing. They’ve been through a lot. Epic races where they were so caked in dirt and grime that you used more water cleaning them than you drank. The days of riding in oppressive heat, sweat covering them in a layer of salt, then having to clean it all off the next day so you can do it over again. I couldn’t help but get mad. It signified how hard I’ve worked over the past couple years but I’m left with no team and no support for next year. I’ll probably be wearing those same glasses next year because I won’t have a sponsor to give me shiny new ones. Nor do I have the money to buy them because I have to pay for all my equipment and still get to races. It’s incredibly frustrating. I felt like I finished the year strong and showed that I have the potential to be successful at the next level. So to be in this situation now is hard to stomach.

My week has been spent contacting people, scrambling to try to find a ride for next year. Needless to say, my efforts haven’t been particularly successful. It’s a tough market to begin with and the fact that it’s so late certainly isn’t helping my cause. Worst case scenario is, as I said; show up next year in a black kit, kick ass and hope some opportunities come up. So that’s what I’m preparing myself for. I’m still hoping I can find a team but I’m preparing myself for the worst. I’m sure as hell not going out like this, bitter and disappointed. It’s time to get all George McFly and lay out Biff to get the girl. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you either don’t know shit about Back to the Future or you don’t know shit about me!

The Struggle

Cross has turned into a mental battle like I hadn’t imagined. The range of emotions is varied and seemingly unpredictable. The course at Ken’s we’ve been doing every week and recently had a weekend race on is the main source of my frustration. The power sections are all slow, uphill grinds broken apart by very technical, single track sections where mistakes can be very costly. The course takes away all my strengths and hits me with my two main weaknesses. It’s basically a short mountain bike course. Needless to say, the average ride there is nothing short of demoralizing.

After the usual Thursday evening race there a couple weeks ago I hit a low point. After constant mistakes and struggles I was lapped by Hamblen. That in itself wasn’t that bad, it was just the icing on the cake. As I drove home my mind was going wild. “Why am I doing this? Should I just be resting and getting an early start on preparing for the road next year? How can I have a good year on the road and then suck this bad at cross? What am I doing wrong? All I do is sit around and ride my bike, how can I still suck this bad? Can I ever be good at this?” I was seriously contemplating my future in cross. However, the next morning epitomized why I hate bike racing. Every thought of quitting was gone and all I wanted to do was work my ass off. I think Myerson effectively described the love hate relationship in cross in his article for Bicycling. While I’m at it, here’s another interview with Adam where he talks about what’s happening with Team Mountain Khakis so you can stay up to date.

That weekend, me, Hammerstix and Matt Canter headed up to Virginia for the Richmond Festival of Cross. After the devastating performance at Ken’s I wasn’t holding my breath for a miracle but I went in with an open mind saying I was going to race hard and whatever happened happened. Luckily we were greeted with more traditional cross courses that allowed me to utilize some of my strengths on the bike. I didn’t feel so hot Saturday and finished an unimpressive 7th but I came back to get 2nd in the time trial (one lap of the course). I was a bit lucky Sunday with some people getting flats, including Hamblen who flatted both of his bikes. I managed to finish 4th, missing the omnium win by one point. Oh well, I won enough money to pay for the trip and finished second overall. While the competition in Richmond wasn’t too stiff and I was a bit lucky on Sunday, it was still a better weekend than I expected and my spirits were considerably higher than before. Also, a big thanks to Tim and Team Type 1 for letting us stay at the team house for the weekend! We really appreciate it.


Ahh, I miss pavement already.

Fresh off the weekend race at Ken’s, all I can say is I’m glad it’s over and I don’t have to do that course again. It’s cliché but I was like a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest. I couldn’t do anything but lose time. It was so frustrating, but I knew that going in so I wasn’t as upset with the outcome as I could have been. The NC series begins this weekend and I’m sincerely excited. I’m looking forward to real cross courses, especially Saturday in Southern Pines where I won the state championship as a cat 3 last year. Hopefully the feeling of severe disappointment is over.

In conclusion, the only thing that sucks worse than racing cross is not racing cross.






If you want sweet white Sidi's or a set of custom, hand-built tubular wheels glued up with white Challenge Grifo's, hit up the guys at Ken's Bike Shop here in Winston. The wheels are awesome and way cheaper than any carbon tubular while also being indestructable. By far the best value for cross wheels.

I Think I’m Starting to Party

Unfortunately, I can’t take credit for the title of this post. That’s a direct quote from Travis right before he went to sleep from anesthesia for surgery on his collarbone. While it’s quite humorous by itself, I also felt like it’s a good representation of my current state of mind.

I haven’t been partying in the literal sense much at all lately but things have been starting to come together and I feel like I’m hitting a groove. My Cyclo-cross woes were answered by a quick phone call to Jon Hamblen who hooked me up with a ride on the Ken’s Bike Shop team. While I was a little upset with the lack of support from Mock Orange, I was thrilled with the switch to Ken’s. It was immediately obvious he just wanted to help out and was happy to do so. It’s a great, positive environment to be in. It also means I get the continued mentorship of Jon which proved to be invaluable on the road and I assume it will be even more so in the dirt.

After the team situation came to fruition I was eager to get the cross season started. Winston once again amazed me with the fact that I could do three training races during the week without driving more than 45 minutes away! How many other places in the country can say that? As awesome as that is, the races didn’t go quite as planned. I’ve been training but I didn’t have the ultra intense efforts in my legs that are cross racing. That, combined with some mechanicals, made for a frustrating first week on the cross bike. However, the form is coming around quickly so I should be good to go by the time the NCCX season starts. Plus, there’s nothing like getting your ass handed to you to make you want it that much more. In addition to personal ambition, Ken had faith in me and I want to repay him as much as I can while proving that I deserve everything he’s doing for me. Results are certainly part of that. So I guess there’s nothing left to do but break out the embrocation and see what I can do.

I’m starting to rough out a schedule and work in a couple trips to the northeast for some UCI races so it should be a fun season. I’m definitely looking forward to it while anxiously awaiting news for next year on the road. Ahh, the anticipation.

Pro Life... As An Amateur

A lot has been going through my head this week. With last weekend marking the end of yet another long season on the road, rest was in order. My job ended a couple weeks ago so there has been plenty of time to sit back and ponder. Of course when you’re in my position you have to constantly be on the hustle. So I’ve been scraping some things together to keep the coffers from going bare but free time has been plentiful to say the least.

I live the life of a pro, without the paycheck. A pro’s weeks are spent eating, sleeping and riding bikes. Mine are the same except for the addition of a job. A pro’s weekends are generally spent racing. Mine are too, the difference is that while a pro travels to all the important races across the country racing in front of big crowds against the sport’s best, I can usually be found at regional races trying to scratch and claw my way to the top. Every weekend I pour my heart into my legs and whether I come out on top or not, the only crowd around is usually that of the other racers. However, while it’s hard to equal the adrenaline rush that comes from a raucous crowd at a twilight crit, I’m not here for fame or glory. The only opinion I really care about is that of the other racers and earning their respect within the peloton. Having said that, I do long for the opportunity to prove myself against the best racers in the country week in and week out. Nonetheless, while a pro would generally be sitting back enjoying some much needed carefree R&R, I have to figure out how to pay rent.

While it is hard and does wear on the soul, it’s a life of purity and enjoyment. I’m doing what I love and for all the right reasons. I’m racing bikes for the sake of racing bikes alone. There’s no paycheck, any money I make racing in spent getting me to the next race. It’s a struggle, but it makes success that much sweeter. Yes, it is all in search of the chance to go pro and earn a paycheck. However, to me that paycheck only means a chance to race and train full time. It’s the ability to spend all of my energy trying to be the best bike racer possible. So that when my day comes to walk away from full time bike racing, I can do so knowing I left absolutely everything out on the road. As I anxiously await news about the team for next year, I can’t help but think about how nice it would be to go into next season with a little less financial burden. I’m definitely keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best.

This week I’ve also been pondering my future in cyclocross. Last year I came in with no preconceived notions of what my season should be like or any pressure to do well. Everything was new and exciting so it was easy to coast through the season without putting much pressure on myself (I was also winning cat 3 races which took any remaining stress away). Now that I have some experience and the competition is much better, I don’t want to half-ass it. However, there is one major obstacle standing in my way. It’s incredibly simple. I’m not going to get much support. I’m not even sure how I’m going to afford enough equipment to get me rolling. Forget having two bikes and wheel and tire options. I’m talking about a single working bike. It would be easy to say screw it, cross is not my focus so I’m just going to show up and mess around and not worry about it. However, that just wouldn’t be my style would it. If I ever want to see that level of support I need to get some results and start finding my way into the cross hierarchy. I’m just going to have to bite the bullet this year and race out of pocket in an effort to get enough results to warrant some support next year. The thought of having to break through in another discipline is somewhat draining but it’s also motivating. The pursuit of success never seems to get old and it’s apparently the only way I can operate.

So while I’m thinking about the upcoming cross season like every pro, I also have to figure out how I’m going to foot the bill. It’s time to pay some dues.

Quote of the Week: “It’s diet coke. With lime!!!.”