My Mind Is Racing

As I sit here enjoying a coffee and watching the rain come in, the world around me remains unusually serene. However, my mind is moving at a different pace.

I am approaching a time when I need to start making decisions about what’s next. My lease here in Chapel Hill ends after July and I need to start thinking about what’s next. The problem lies in the fact that I don’t know what my riding situation is going to be next season. That largely depends on how I ride in months of June and July. I am going to several big races then and I need to get some results if I want to take another step up. So I’m in a situation where I can’t really make any solid decisions. I need to focus on riding well and getting some results. Then I can reassess my situation and go from there. In the meantime, all I can do is go over multiple scenarios in my head, over and over. The only thing I know for sure is that I want to keep racing my bike and trying to make the dream of being pro a reality. I harbor no illusions of winning everything for the rest of the season and signing a huge contract for next year. I know it’s not going to come easy. I’m going to have to continue to struggle on with that one goal in mind and the decisions I make need to reflect that commitment. As I buckle up the shoes once again I cannot help but imagine where I’ll be doing the very same thing next year. What team will it be for? Will I be in the U.S.? For now I can’t dwell on those things. I can only give 110% and have faith that it will get me where I want to go.

Giving 110% has not been a problem. At the beginning of the year I wondered how I would feel at this point in the season. Would the struggles of working to pay bills, training and racing take their toll on my motivation to continue? Would that early season hunger for success begin to fade? I can say with certainty that it has not. I’m more motivated than ever to continue to fight. It hasn’t been easy. Sometimes it seems like I never get a break. After working and training all week I spend the weekend in the car traveling to and from races. Then I wake up on Monday and it starts over. Somehow quitting never enters my mind. When I do wake up on Monday all I can think about is the next race and what I need to do to become a better bike racer. It’s a consuming lifestyle, but one that I love and hope to continue.